My Story for what it is worth

Dear MRFF:

First thank you for all the hard work you have done to protect my rights.

I am a Sailor who got out in 2004. I will always remember Boot Camp. One reason is that I was awarded the title and honor of being Division 444 Ship 11’s Honor Recruit. That will always be one of the proudest moments of my life since I know that was a honor bestowed on me by both my Shipmates in the division and my Recruit Division Commanders. While I have fond memories of my Boot Camp days I also have nightmares about those days too. To get our Dog Tags they of course have to ask your religious affiliation. Since I have been an Atheist since I was a little boy and could understand religious concepts I of course put “Atheist” on that paperwork. I also put Atheist on all other paperwork I was given in order to even join the Navy. Little did I know that this would cause me countless troubles throughout my entire military career. Not to mention the countless problems I have had with the VA (since I am now a service connected disabled veteran) I remember being told to report to my RDC LCPO’s office in boot camp and being grilled about my lack of religious beliefs. After taking a severe dressing down from 2 of my RDC’s, along with veiled threats, being told that my time at boot camp would be hell because I was a enemy of America because I hated jesus, that I was on their hit list and on and on I was then cycled (made to do exercises) for hours. To my luck both of those RDC’s were gone within the first 2 weeks for other reasons but the abuse I took by them scared the living shit out of me. When I got those dog tags they said “NORELPREF” rather than “Atheist” I addressed this to my RDC but was told to stop wasting his fucking time and go away. Months later I went into town during my Aircrew SAR A School and had my own ATHEIST dog tags made so that issue was taken care of. I obeyed orders in Boot Camp and I gave %110 so I was awarded “Honor Recruit” and like I said it’s one of the proudest things I have.

In A School I was harassed and abused because I would not attend church. At my first command (a F/A18 squadron as a AM rather than a SAR command that I thought I joined the Navy to do) I first realized within the first few months that being an Atheist was really going to hold me back from getting promoted and cause me heartache for years to come. My OIC used TAD to demean me and make my life hell. I was in VFA-82 which was at MCAS Beaufort (a Marine Corps air station) and they sent me TAD to work with the MALS 31 USMC command because in my OIC’s words “The jarheads would chew me up and send me to an early grave where I belonged.” Lucky for me though I thrived with the Marines. They accepted me as one of their own. Treated me as an equal and they could have cared less about my lack of religion. One night after having dinner with my girlfriend out in town I was followed back to my car and assaulted by 3 men who I knew to be sailors from VFA-82. I was beaten into a bloody mess. I ended up with a broken shoulder, black and blue marks over a third of my body, and the first of many head injuries that has turned me into a disabled veteran who can no longer work or go a day without pain present day. The assault was covered up by the officers in VFA-82. lies were told about what happened and now I was under investigation and threat of a Captains Mast where I knew if I went to Captians Mast I would be kicked out of the Navy. I went and saw JAG at another base because I was threatened to just take my consequences. Going to JAG at another base saved my career, saved me from a life of the shame of getting kicked out of the Navy, and saved my ass. The JAG told me to demand a general court martial which I did. Within weeks I was out of VFA-82 and sent to a Naval Detachment at the USMC HQ on base. I was sent back to my beloved Marines for more TAD.

I ended up recovering from my injuries and fought to stay in the Navy rather than take a medical discharge which I was offered after 8 months of Limited Duty. I ended up deploying to OEF after 9/11/2001. I then deployed to OIF. By this time I was on the USS Nimitz back in another Navy command. One night I was pushed down a ladderwell by someone who said “now it’s time to die you jesus hating fucker” I got a closed head injury from that along with broken teeth. Ships medical blew off my injuries and withheld decent medical care and gave me mortin after being told to stop being a malingerer. I reported the incident to my OIC who told me “I do not trust Atheists and I think you are lying. All you are doing is trying to get out of work and if I hear one more word about this you will be standing tall in front of the old man.” TAD was then again used on me as a weapon where now I was going back and forth escorting people to Iraq from the ship. I spent weeks in country and several times I was in a position where I was involved in taking enemy fire. While I earned the Combat Action Ribbon for that it was never presented to me. My good conduct medal, Air warfare, fleet marine force badge, nat defense medal, etc were all missing from my service record when I was finally discharged in 2004. At the time I was so disillusioned with the Navy that I did not care. Now however I do care and wish I could wear the badges and medals I really did earn. What matters though is I know what I earned, I know what I went through. Even though the Navy lost half of my medical record when I changed command, and was beyond sloppy when it came to my service jacket, it is I who know the truth. While half my medical record being missing I was still able to prove my injuries sustained while on active duty with help from a Veterans Org so I could get medical treatment, and get the VA disability I earned.

So in the end I have regrets. I regret I let people know I did not believe in god, I do not regret I stood by my religious convictions and stood true to myself. I regret greatly that I now have many medical problems which has greatly impaired my quality of life and future. I regret that my health took a turn for the worse in 2004 while I was attempting to join the Marine Corps. I miss those Marines who treated me as one of their own. I miss the brotherhood, I miss the feeling that I was giving back for the freedom I was given as a birthright. I shudder at the bad times I had in the Navy and cringe remembering the religious intolerance that caused me so much grief and pain. Most of all I regret that today as a 33 year old man who should be living a full and healthy life, the facts about my health smack me in the face each morning and throughout each and every day, and those facts have reduced me into a depressed shell of what I once was who at times considered suicide as a solution. (I am not suicidal at all now btw) I can only live the life that I have and make the best out of it. I have chose to try to help other injured veterans get the treatment they deserve. I would love to be able to help servicemen who are discriminated because of their religious beliefs or lack thereof. I commend you for your service to the religiously oppressed men and women who without you would be alone just like I was alone throughout most of my time trying to serve my great country.

While I am not perfect and I was not a perfect sailor, I always was honorable and I earned my Honorable Discharge. I had faults and still do. I can and do try to be the best moral person I can be and I try to do what I think is the right thing to do in all situations. I am thankful for my luck to be born an American, I love this country, and I love my beloved military. I never have regretted serving my country and I never will. Like I have told others, even with foreknowledge that I if I served I would be in severe pain for the rest of my life I STILL WOULD HAVE SERVED. Even if I knew I would lose my life I still would serve. How could I not be willing to die for this great nation built on great ideas? Perhaps today a lot of us forget what our founders wanted this nation to be that is for them to live with not I.

Thank you for taking your time to read my story. I tried to be concise but I know there are missing parts and the timeline is not exact. I just appreciate so very much what you are doing for the military by defending it from Christians who are trying to use our military for their own evil ends. And you already know I do not mean all Christians but I felt I needed to be clear. So whoever you are reading this THANK YOU for your sacrifice and thank you for listening to me.

(name withheld) US Navy 1999-2004