Your organization must make all atheists proud
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This post was created on the previous version of the MRFF website, and may not be fully accessible to users of assistive technology. If you need help accessing this content, please reach out via email.I’ll keep it simple…your organization must make all atheists proud. Keep up the good work. Makes my job as a Christian that much easier.
(name withheld)
Hi (name withheld),
Thanks for your letter. PLEASE keep sending more! Let me explain:
I’m the mean evil atheist your mommy used to warn you about. And sadly, most of the staff and allies at MRFF comes from a Judeo-Christian background. In fact, 96% of the clients who bring complaints are Christians who are persecuted by Christian extremists for not being “Christian enough”.
Do you understand the problem I’m facing? No matter how hard I’ve tried, Mikey and the MRFF team repeatedly turn down my requests to set up a lion’s den. Nobody signed up when I asked for volunteers to launch an Unholy War on Christmas. They *all* consistently refuse to eat babies (Mikey wouldn’t even nibble a little roasted thigh, and that’s the best part). One time, I saw a sale at the department store and bought two dozen perfectly good pitchforks and these guys wouldn’t even join me for a Christian-hunting mob. Now I have a stack of unused rusty pitchforks in my garage. You have NO IDEA how hard it is convince these guys to persecute you when all they really care about is separation of church and state.
Bah! I guess I’ll have to do all the persecution on my own. UNLESS people like you keep sending stupid letters. If you send enough of them, I think MRFF will finally see things my way and start some REAL persecution! I’m so excited! You’re practically my new best friend. Hope to hear from you soon!
But first, I’m going to go watch this NOVA special about outer space, because that’s what atheists really do.
Regards,
Dustin Chalker
MRFF Atheist Affairs Advisor
(name withheld)
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