“Wasn’t there supposed to be a October 15, 2009 Dear MRFF and Mikey, Growing up in a small Midwestern town, I was no stranger to religion. My parents were not particularly religious, but believed in what Christianity had to offer, and through various people, events and holidays I was provided a robust Christian education. By the time I was a sophomore in high school, I was an active member of the church, assisted with Sunday School and Vacation Bible School on a regular basis, and was an active member of Fellowship of Christian Athletes. I was known as a “good Christian girl” and was considered by the community to be a good role model in behavior, in attitude and in faith. What the community didn’t know was the battle that I had been fighting within myself for sometime. Something didn’t seem right. Something was off. I talked to my pastor about it, prayed about it, talked to friends and family and all told me that this was normal. “That’s faith,” they said, “You’ll get through it.” By the middle of my junior year, I became comfortable with the idea that I was an agnostic. I still wasn’t sure what the right answer was, but I knew that the path I’d been following wasn’t right for me. People in my hometown did not NOT believe in God and believing was something that people expected from me, so I kept my agnosticism to myself and continued playing the role I’d assumed so many years before. When I arrived at the United States Air Force Academy, I decided that I was finished pretending. I identified myself as an agnostic and felt that a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I still kept this a secret from my friends and family back home, but at the Academy I was free to be me. As I entered into basic training, I was surprised by the omnipresent religious overtones that littered the military environment. I had learned about separation of church and state and had expected the U.S. Air Force Academy, of ALL places, to be neutral territory for believers and non-believers alike. Formal formations and ceremonies began with an invocation thanking God for all he had done and continues to do for our country, asking him to bless all of the cadets and their families, and ended in the same manner with a benediction. As a basic cadet, I did not ask any questions about this practice, but later learned that Chaplains were allowed to deliver nondenominational prayers at official functions. This "nondenominational" rule was not always followed, however, as we were more often than not praying quite specifically “in Jesus’ name”. As I continued through my cadet career, the invocations and benedictions continued and I fought within myself another battle: one of tolerance. When I questioned the Chaplain program and the issue of religion in the military with Academy staff and other cadets, I was often told that the military is a “special circumstance” where its members are required to place their lives on the line and that this dedicated service requires a lot of strength, which, for many, comes from religion. Further, the Chaplain program was necessary in order to provide spiritual guidance to those out in the field. These both seemed like reasonable arguments, but the one thing that seemed to be missing was their Constitutionally-required consideration of those who did not believe. Some told me that participating in the prayers during formation was not mandatory and that I could just stand there, but isn’t that passive participation? Why should I have to wait an additional 4 minutes in the cold Colorado winter for the believers to pray to an entity that I did not believe in? Why couldn’t this be accomplished on their own time? I wanted to compromise, but a compromise requires efforts of both parties. When was someone going to meet me in the middle? Though the most persistent sectarian, invocations and benedictions were perhaps the least intrusive encounters with religion that I had at the Academy or on Active Duty, for that matter. As basic cadets, we were provided with an opportunity to attend chapel services on Sunday mornings and Wednesday evenings, called “Chapel Time”. As a non-believer, I chose not to participate in the religious services and opted instead to stay in my room writing letters to my family and getting to know my other “heathen” classmates, as we were called by the upperclass training cadre. On one occasion, one of my cadre entered my room during this personal time and told me and one of my classmates that if we weren’t going to attend chapel services that we needed to be shining our boots, ironing our uniforms and studying our knowledge. Immediately recognizing this foul, I explained to the cadre that some of my classmates chose to use their personal time to go to chapel while I chose to use my personal time to write letters and relax which, to me, was an equally important endeavor. The cadre answered back that we needed to reconsider our priorities and then left the room. My classmates and I were not bothered again about our use of “Chapel Time” until the second part of Basic Cadet Training when new cadre were assigned to our squadron. A similar incident occurred and I provided a similar response with a similar reaction. By this time, the religious issues surrounding the Air Force Academy were quite clear, but the “Religious Intolerance Scandal” initiated by Mikey Weinstein and then his MRFF wouldn’t become news until three years later. As a "secondclassman" or Junior at the Academy, I found a really good mentor who had, through the grapevine, learned that I was an Agnostic. This was just as the religious scandal was making headlines and he asked me what I thought about it. What it came down to was that there was ABSOLUTELY no voice for people like me. Since basic training, I was one of the few who had the guts to stand up to authority, especially when it often appeared that I was a one-person militia. Unlike the religious groups who easily found each other through church groups and activities, many Atheists, Agnostics, Freethinkers and other non-conventional believers and non-believers are slow to identify themselves for fear of ostracism and reprisal/retribution and are thus less likely to find a support group. We were a misunderstood crowd without a support network, which can make one feel isolated and helpless. By the end of the meeting my mentor and I had decided to create an Atheists/Agnostic/Freethinker group for those who didn’t fit any other religious category. It was not only an opportunity for like-minded people to meet, talk and exchange ideas, but a means by which to increase awareness of this often forgotten group. We met some opposition along the way. Academy leadership did not understand the need for such a group. What were we going to do? Why should the Academy recognize an official “religious group” of non-religious people? Their concerns were justifiable. I, myself, was having a hard time figuring out how to structure the group. The last thing I wanted it to be was a religion bashing group, but what would we talk about? Who could talk to us and help us grow? In the end we did gain approval from the Academy and were recognized as an official “religious” group. We found a group of Freethinkers in Colorado Springs and were afforded off campus privileges to meet with them monthly at their downtown location. My mentor and I contacted various modern day philosophers and set up meetings with them. The group met weekly to discuss whatever was on our minds: what we read in the news, what we learned in our philosophy classes, frustrations we were experiencing, etc. We learned from each other. We grew as individuals and as a group. I’m sad to say that I don’t know what happened to the group after I left the Academy. A friend of mine in the group took over my role and provided me a few updates and I heard that the group was made available during basic cadet training in the Summer of 2006. I truly hope that this group is still available to cadets entering the Academy as I can only imagine the difference it would have made in my life there. My fight to eliminate religion from my professional life at the Academy continued even on at my Commissioning Ceremony. While the Officer’s Oath does provide the option to swear or affirm, it ends with “So help me God”, a phrase which I felt did not belong. It would have been much easier to let this go and just say the traditional oath of office, but doing so would just be condoning yet another antiquated custom in need of revision. This was something I could fight. I approached my AOC with my issue with the oath of office. He was surprised, but understanding. “I hadn’t even thought about that,” he said. That’s the problem. People don’t think about these issues and it is our responsibility to make sure that they do. By bringing up this seemingly benign phrase, I raised the awareness not only of my AOC, my entire chain of command and all of my classmates, but also of the 200 people in attendance at the commissioning ceremony that night. When I dropped my hand after reciting “...that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office upon which I am about to enter.” I heard a mumble across the room. “Did she forget the last part?” “Where’s the ‘so help me God?’” After the ceremony, I was provided with numerous opportunities to discuss this apparent “blunder”. Some were angry that I was so intolerant that I couldn’t just finish the oath in the traditional way, but, for the most part, people were interested in and understanding of my decision. I faced this situation again at my promotion in 2008. The officer I chose to administer my oath had heard about my omission of the “so help me God” and was happy to oblige. When I dropped my hand, a Colonel in the front row said in a loud voice, “Wasn’t there supposed to be a ‘So help me God’ in there?” This Colonel and I had a very good working relationship, but the issue of religion had crept into conversation on several occasions and, while I didn’t share with him my religious beliefs or lack thereof, I was made quite aware of his. Fortunately, the Colonel who was sitting next to him was aware of the omission of this particular phrase and provided him an explanation. Later that year as our office was gearing up for our annual holiday party, I was asked to be part of the committee in charge of preparations. During one of our first meetings the committee chairperson kept referring to it as the Christmas party. When it became clear that this was not a slip, I reminded her that it was not a Christmas party, but a holiday party. She said to me, “LT, no it’s not. Everyone knows this is a Christmas party.” I responded by explaining to her that people of all beliefs and non-beliefs were going to be at the party, enjoying it together and that any religious theme was inappropriate. For the remainder of the meetings an emphasis was put on the word “Holiday”. As the holiday party drew nearer and nearer, I felt conflicted about the inclusion of an invocation at the event. A chaplain had already been booked, and the Booster Club was covering the cost of his ticket. Further, having been appointed the Madam of Ceremonies of the event, I didn’t feel right about introducing the chaplain to provide the invocation before our meal. I decided that I would go on with it anyway, but would make a point to talk to the chaplain before hand and remind him that this was a non-religious event to honor all guests and to please keep his words in accordance with the spirit of the party. Unfortunately, the Chaplain arrived late and I was never given an opportunity to speak to him. As I introduced him, I asked him simply to “say a few words before we begin the meal”. What followed was a five minute sermon about the meaning of the holiday season, the greatness of God and many expressions of gratitude for His Son Jesus Christ. The only person in the room I felt even blinked an eye was my date, who must have looked up and seen the expression on my face before I replaced it with my holiday smile as the prayer ended and bowed heads began to raise. Recently, I began Squadron Officer School via correspondence. The course is designed to hone one’s leadership skills and prepare him or her for greater leadership responsibility. The course begins with a module on leadership philosophy, ethics and values. As I read through the material I was shocked to find an article revering the virtues of Christianity and the importance of a religious education and accrediting the decline of religion as the reason for our society’s “lack of personal ethics”. What’s more, the author was an Air Force Major General. The fact that this article was chosen as a required reading assignment in a course designed to create better leaders astounds me and I cannot imagine ever following someone who believed that I lacked ethics or character due to the absence of religion in my life. Am I to assume, too, that the Air Force does not believe I can be a leader? I know my story is not unique. Military men and women deal with issues of religious intolerance every day, but not all of them have the courage to speak out. I tend to believe that people are inherently good and that they want others to be happy. I don’t want people to believe or not believe any particular thing. I want them to be happy and for them to leave me alone, let me do my job and allow me serve my country alongside them regardless of my beliefs. But my encounters with religion in the military have more often been less an issue of intolerance and more an issue of unfamiliarity. Raising awareness is the first step. Even if I can only reach one person, I know that he or she will be that much less likely repeat that mistake. Many times, people don’t even realize that what they’re saying or doing is offensive or that it negatively effects someone. If I can keep just one person from feeling the way that I’ve felt since I entered the military or keep just one person from having to fight battles like the ones that I have fought, it is well worth it. Unfortunately, though, doing so often has consequences, but the prominent existence of a renown civil rights organization like MRFF is making it possible for people like me and you to step forward without any fear of reprisal. I encourage you to bring light to the issues that bother you, no matter how small you think they may be, because there is a good chance that someone out there is feeling the same thing but doesn’t know what to do about it. (name withheld) SUPPORT MRFF The wall separating church and state
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