Shaw AFB

Dear MRFF,

I have a couple of friends who are stationed at Shaw AFB, SC and they have asked me to pass on their best wishes to Mikey Weinstein and his organization……….

FUCK YOU SCUMBAGS!!! YOU LOW LIFE BUNCH OF FUCKING ATHIESTS!

(name withheld)

Good evening (name withheld),

Thank you for taking the time to write us today. I hope your friends at Shaw are enjoying their holidays and I would like to personally wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year! I’m sure your message of unconditional love towards your fellow man is perfectly aligned with the attitude and character that would make your mother proud. While I’m a bit rusty on my bible studies, I think it was the 11th commandment that says “thou shalt be a judgmental, disrespectful, intellectually handicapped prick when thine feelings hath been hurt.” If not, your behavior suggests that to be the case.

Cheers,

Blake A. Page
Military Religious Freedom Foundation
Special Assistant to the President
Director of West Point Affairs

Hey Blake

How are you today asshole? I wouldn’t expect a fucking atheist like yourself to be up on their bible studies. At least I had a mother and yes she was extremely proud of me. As for you….I would imagine you were a bastard child. I must compliment you on such an austere title that you have…Special Assistant to the President…..wow…does that mean you’re Mikey’s ass-wiper? I’m sure you worked hard and long to achieve such a title. If you keep wiping asses like that you may someday takeover as President. And I see you’re also Director of West Point Affairs…wow…that must be a real important job…do you make sure all the Army officers who are having affairs are kept under wraps so their spouses don’t find out? Or is that you make sure all the male cadets are tucked in safe at night? Whichever it is keep up the good work and please wish Mikey and all his atheist elves at MRFF a very Merry Christmas and I’m sure you’re all heading down to Florida to hang out at the Fesitvus Pole with the rest of the atheists.

(name withheld)

Dear (name withheld),

I’m having a great day today, thanks for asking! It’s funny that you would doubt an atheist’s knowledge of the bible. Even The Christian Science Monitor reports the natural truth that the non-religious have a far deeper and clearer understanding of the Bible than the religious. Of course my reference to the elusive 11th Commandment was satirical. But with your command of the english language it seems wholly possible that this went unnoticed on your part.

Thanks for your compliments on my job titles. I did work hard (although it didn’t take very long) to earn them. It seems that you’ve misinterpreted those titles as having something to do with child care, or perhaps assisted living services. I can confirm for you that I have changed precisely 0 diapers and wiped not a single soiled buttock in the execution of my duties with the MRFF. For clarity’s sake, my duties require me to assist Mikey in responding to messages from gentlemen-scholars like yourself, represent the MRFF in media interviews when he is too busy to do so himself and on some occasions work directly with clients on resolution of issues they bring to our attention.

I’ll pass on your message of holiday cheer to the very few other atheists we have working at MRFF and also extend your well wishes to our majority Christian staff of volunteers (as I’m sure you wouldn’t want to discriminate against such a HUGE and indispensable portion of our team just because they’re Christian).