Your organization must make all atheists proud


I’ll keep it simple…your organization must make all atheists proud. Keep up the good work. Makes my job as a Christian that much easier.

(name withheld)


 

 

Hi (name withheld),

Thanks for your letter. PLEASE keep sending more! Let me explain:

I’m the mean evil atheist your mommy used to warn you about. And sadly, most of the staff and allies at MRFF comes from a Judeo-Christian background. In fact, 96% of the clients who bring complaints are Christians who are persecuted by Christian extremists for not being “Christian enough”.

Do you understand the problem I’m facing? No matter how hard I’ve tried, Mikey and the MRFF team repeatedly turn down my requests to set up a lion’s den. Nobody signed up when I asked for volunteers to launch an Unholy War on Christmas. They *all* consistently refuse to eat babies (Mikey wouldn’t even nibble a little roasted thigh, and that’s the best part). One time, I saw a sale at the department store and bought two dozen perfectly good pitchforks and these guys wouldn’t even join me for a Christian-hunting mob. Now I have a stack of unused rusty pitchforks in my garage. You have NO IDEA how hard it is convince these guys to persecute you when all they really care about is separation of church and state.

Bah! I guess I’ll have to do all the persecution on my own. UNLESS people like you keep sending stupid letters. If you send enough of them, I think MRFF will finally see things my way and start some REAL persecution! I’m so excited! You’re practically my new best friend. Hope to hear from you soon!

But first, I’m going to go watch this NOVA special about outer space, because that’s what atheists really do.

 

Regards,

Dustin Chalker

MRFF Atheist Affairs Advisor


 

Hello my little atheist friend…your my first one by the way.  I just wanted to reply to your charming response.  I have found that there are two types of Christians. The first, being one who follows the bible to the letter. Love thy neighbor, turn the other cheek. The second type, is one who will put on his armor and fight God’s battles against people like you. Guess you figured out where I stand.
Your pathetic group of so called Americans always seem to get your panties in a wad when someone mentions the word God. Since you don’t believe there is such a Being, why not simply close your ears and turn your heads. But no, you and that malcontent Mikey Weinstein get crazy every time we mention our beliefs. How come we never see you go on a rant when the muslim community mentions allah?
I am sure you heard that “our team” finally was victorious (in New Jersey) in one of the many confrontations you thrive on. There does seem to be a few “less liberal” judges out there, who still believe in what our fore fathers fought for. I can assure you that this will not be the last victory for us. Like many others, we are tired of your childish behavior.
Your comments to me, although sarcastic in nature, really amused me. Idiots like you make me feel that much stronger about my faith (something your poor soul will never experience).  I truly feel sorry for you and your kind.  Since you don’t believe in heaven (therefor hell doesn’t exist either, right?) I hope you enjoy the empty life you will lead.
Yours truly,

(name withheld)


 

Hey (name withheld),
Yep, heaven and hell are both make-believe. And my life here on Earth is awesome. It’s also temporary, of course, but that doesn’t make it less awesome. I don’t have a problem with that because I’m emotionally mature enough to face reality as it really is.
I really don’t care one tiny microscopic shred if other people believe in various mythologies. It doesn’t bother me at all. I don’t care when people talk about it. I *DO* care that the US government (a tax-funded entity that exists to serve all citizens equally) and its representatives maintain total neutrality in matters of religion. I’m opposed to government theocracy. Nobody has a “right” to put on a uniform and speak on the subject of religion under the color of the authority of the state. Private religion, on the other hand, isn’t my business and I honestly don’t care.
Your BFF,
Dustin Chalker
MRFF Atheist Affairs Advisor

 

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