Commander’s “Purity Ball”

From: MRFF Client/Spouse of Active Duty Service Member’s E-mail Address Withheld

Subject: Commander’s “Purity Ball”
Date: October 22, 2020 at 10:27:05 AM MDT


I am the wife of a military member in the U.S. (branch withheld) stationed at (military installation name withheld).
We are Christian and attend base chapel services occasionally.
My husband and I have (number of children withheld) kids. The reason I’m writing to thank you all is about our eldest daughter (name withheld) who is a teenager now.
A short while ago my husband and I were very pressured by his commander to participate in what is called a Christian “purity ball”.
This event was being put on by the commander’s hardline Christian church (off installation) and was supposed to “celebrate” our daughter’s virginity and have her make a pledge to remain sexually abstinent until her “wedding night”.
I just cannot tell you how distraught and appalled we were to have the commander pester and “encourage’ us nonstop to have my husband and our daughter attend and participate. I cried my eyes out as did our daughter.
This caused much anxiety and lost sleep for my husband myself and our daughter. I mean that guy is THE commander after all.
As if we needed more there was also enough of an issue about how the commander’s church would have handled social distancing in light of COVID at this event as that church (and my husband’s commander) is very very outspoken pro-Trump and anti-COVID protection measures. 
Our local MRFF Rep at (military installation name withheld) got us in touch with Mikey Weinstein who spoke to us late that same evening.
Mr. Weinstein got the contact information for my husband’s commander’s boss and we gave Mr. Weinstein the green light to try to fix this.
Two days later my husband was advised by our unit’s (military title withheld) that my husband’s commander was being fired and given a written reprimand for his advocation of attending his church’s  “purity ball” and his constant vocal support for Trump at official unit meetings and field exercises.. Turns out he was also using his command position during duty hours to pressure other (military branch withheld) families under his command besides ours to attend this “purity ball” and to vote for Trump..
Our whole family just cannot thank the whole MRFF enough for swooping in and saving the day for us and the other families here at (military installation withheld)!
Our local MRFF rep was also so accessible and willing to help.
My husband and I are so just sorry that the MRFF receives such hateful messages and threats. We cannot understand why that is?
You are wonderful people who help so many military families when no one else inside or outside of the military will do so.
We will spread the word about the MRFF far and wide. (Spouse’s name, address, phone number and military installation name & location all withheld)


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  1. Old_ColdWar_MP

    Dear Military Family,
    It truly is a shame that you and those who serve in your spouse’s unit, and especially your children, have been put through this episode of bias and intrusion.

    I wish that our military leaders would find it within themselves to focus on the mission to train and support those under their command and refrain from using their command to impose their personal beliefs.

    The rigidness of respect for rank can make it quite difficult for those like us (I to experienced similar pressures when I served).

    Everyone in service today has volunteered for this duty in uniform. The beliefs of individual service members, and their families must be respected and done so without the service member fearing any repercussions, professionally or personally.

    I am happy that you found resolution to your problems and not at all surprised that MRFF was able to provide you assistance. It is a shame that your spouse’s commander did not understand the fullness of his professional responsibilities before losing his command. Perhaps this will be a learning opportunity for others in a similar situation.

    With Kindest Regards,

  2. Tom O

    “Perhaps this will be a learning opportunity for others in a similar situation.” More likely, it will be used by Trumpist theocrats to scream about how the evil atheistic MRFF is using the “coronavirus hoax” to justify “attacking Christianity,” and “promoting sexual promiscuity.”

  3. ironmoped

    it’s hard enough being a military family without having to put up with the fundamentalist “cult” mentality of some of these so-called leaders.

    In this case the Chain-of-Command did the right thing and acted quickly!

    The Ft. Hood two star was just relieved of Command for a poor Command climate. He thought he was going to get his third star but ….. it didn’t happen!

    I’m not saying he was relieved for a similar issue, but he was relieved for a poor Command climate (not to mention several troop deaths on his watch).

    Senior military Leaders ARE listening, particularly given the numbers of suicides among military members (to include very high ranking military officers).

    As the saying goes, “see something, say something!”

    “Sunlight is the best disinfectant!”

    I’m glad to hear this military family got relief from this Commander (by reaching out to the MRFF) .

    To paraphrase Tom O, maybe it will send a message to other military leaders!

  4. G

    Ironpod, the situation at Fort Hood have been going for several years and the local news has reported on it many times on issues such as military people running drug rings, running prostitution rings, committing rape, etc., yet, nothing was done about them since the Pentagon chose to look the other way and some of the Fort Hood previous commanders were never punished and are now working at the Pentagon.

  5. Patriot Pastor

    I see nothing wrong with encouraging their daughter to attend a purity ball especially since they claim to be “Christians.” I guess these parents would have no problem in having their daughter become a slut and sleep around until she gets married and maybe even contract some STD and possibly die from it.

  6. Mark Sebree

    Patriot Pastor,

    More likely, they know that such things do not work, and they rather their daughter not feel obligated to hide her sexuality from her parents because of this misguided and oppressive oath.

    The parents probably want their child to have a fact based sex education. They probably also know that the average age of marriage these days is the mid to late 20’s, long after most people start having sex.

    Your language also gives away your misogyny. To start with, there is no equivalent ceremony for teenage boys, promising that they will remain virgins until marriage, which shows that the girls are treated as lesser individuals.

    Also, there is the difference in regard for sexually active people. If the person is a man, i.e. “a stud”, that has a positive connotation. Yet a woman who acts EXACTLY THE SAME WAY is called “a slut” and that has a negative connotation.

    As is usual for you, your attitude and language betrays your stone aged attitude towards others, especially women, and demonstrates your clear double standard for how you think that other people should act.

    Those of us who live in the modern age can and should ignore your so-called “advice”, and rather do what is best for people as a whole, which usually calls for empathy, compassion, understanding, knowledge, and a push for equality and liberty. All things that you apparently oppose.

  7. Tom O

    Surprise!! PP fulfilled only 1/3 of my 10/23 prediction.

  8. Tom O

    PP pretends to not know the difference between “encouraging” someone to do something and using one’s position of great power over another to pressure that person to do something. He also ignores the far greater likelihood of Covid-19 infections spreading at the “purity ball” relative to the supposedly higher likelihood of getting an STD in the future if a girl doesn’t participate in a “purity ball.”

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